You Know You Need A New Lawyer When...
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
* He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
* During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
* Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
* He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
* He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
Lawyer Jokes
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.
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What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.
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What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in
sand?
Not enough sand.
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What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
lawyer
in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
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What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched,
they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything
forever.
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Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure
out which side to spit on.
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Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick.
Oh, and here's a little brain teaser for you.
Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? Why or why not?
5 comments:
uuhh, "his widow" would mean he is dead, so I'm not sure if his sister-in-law would be real interested.
haha. good job, Mom!!! You got it!!
That one was too easy. You got some pretty good lawyer jokes on there though. Lol.
Yes, but if a man and a woman from Tennessee get married, move to California, then get a divorce, are they still legally brother and sister?
lol John!
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